he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
