There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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