Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize