your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
