I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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