Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
