I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
