Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
