This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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