I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
