Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
