Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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