Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
