That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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