I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
