i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
