I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
