eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
