You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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