Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
