I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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