he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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