I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
