do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
