Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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