Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
