i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We got so high we made milksteak
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
