If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
