Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My pussy is not your playground.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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