Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
