If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
