the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize