saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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