I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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