I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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