While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
