Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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