the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
