My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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