I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
