my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
