I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
