ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
