last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
