When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
