I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
