it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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