if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
