I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize