I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
