I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
