woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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