She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize