when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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