She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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