Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
