Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
