And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
