She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
