I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
