farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
