so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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