it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
