12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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