Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
