I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
