someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
