sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
