An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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