I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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